when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
