Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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