This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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