i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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