I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
