You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
