I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dicks are not precious.
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