god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
