Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
His nipple licking is glorious
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