Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
