Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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