plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
