I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
