I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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