Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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