Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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