I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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