I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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