dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize