I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i would punch a child for taco bell
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Randomize
