if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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