is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
