The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
