you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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