Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
