We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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