WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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