she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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