Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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