I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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