Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
