he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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