He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
