Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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