Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
