so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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