Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
