In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
