I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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