and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
