I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
