he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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