i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
