I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
