we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have so many feelings about this burrito
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
