I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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