where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
