just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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