I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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