idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
