She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
