the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
