i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
