i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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