I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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