Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
