i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
