I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
